Reformed Grits

Funny stuff

Two funny things for ya...

Yesterday I'd been drinking a diet Pepsi and was in the kitchen when I felt an enormous upper gastric air pocket begging permission to escape.  So with a lclosed mouth, did a ginormous "bear growl" burp that would have been legendary if I'd pushed him out.  Poo evidently had walked up behind me during this time and said, "WHOA MOM!"  And like a very lady-like mom, I denied it.  "What?  Oh I'd NEVER!"  to which he replied, "Mom that was so huge I think the end of South America just broke off... you know, the little tip?" 

heh heh heh.  If only my children knew what I was capable...

Second thing, tonight I was running around getting the oldest 2 ready to go to youth group stuff and I was getting dinner on the table, which, by the way I have GOT to share this recipe with you-- it has LEEKS in it.  And it's delicious.  And I got it from Wilma in Scotland.  (HI WILMA!)  Anyway, in my rush I ignored the fact that the baby had stripped her diaper off and so I just put her in her seat and gave her her dinner.  Not two minutes later, Sister said, "SHE'S PEEING!!!"  We had a good laugh, and as I sopped up the mess I quipped, "Well, when I said we were having LEEKS for dinner, this was NOT what I had in mind!" 

Ba-dum-bum... 
(Get it?  Leeks?  Leaks?  har har har  I suppose it's not funny when you have to explain it....)

Word play/ name game

Overheard at dinner as the children were talking about who they invited to VBS next week...

Poo- "I invited Drew."

Mr. G- "What did Drew draw?"

Poo- "Funny, Dad. (pause)  I think that Drew should marry Paige one day..."

Me- "Ha!  I wonder what they would name their baby?"

Sister- "Mark!" 

Heh heh, please tell me you get all this...

The following images may be disturbing for some viewers...

I mentioned that 3 of my children went fishing with their daddy on Saturday.  What I DIDN'T mention was that they were also eaten alive by mosquitos and other biting bugs.  Take a look at Sister's legs (used with permission...) No smart-alec comments about the reflection on the oven of me squatting to take the pictures, kay?


Viewer discretion is advised....




















Ouch. 

At this moment...

• Poo had an awesome game today.  He played as well as a 7 year old can play!  He scored 2 goals and I enjoyed hearing the other parents say, "That little guy is FAST!  GET IT AWAY FROM HIM!!!"  heh heh heh  Jojo was tickled.  I'm amazed at the improvement in his control and foot skills in one season.
• Jojo's game was cancelled because some clubs actually care about the condition of their fields. 
• Bee is brushing her hair with a Scotch-brite pad.  It's clean.  Actually, it's probably cleaner than she is.
• JD is grounded from the tv.  He decided that reading is boring so he'd just assume have a 0 on his reading log for school, thanks.  Ohh too bad we got Alvin and the Chipmunks in the mail from netflix.  And American Idol is on this week.  Hm.  That's a shame he'll miss that. 
• Sister is finally recovered from her tonsillectomy.  I think she's caught up in her work too from school.  She inspires me. 
• Sugie had her 5 year old check up this week.  She got 4 shots, but she's kindergarten ready!  She's in the 90th percentile for height, thank you very much.  Nice to know that one of my children won't be classified as a "little person" when they grow up. 
• Mr. Grits is cooking dinner, and has just called me to the table so I have to go.  Don't be jealous. 
  Ok, well, you can be. 

It's SOOo not fair

I'm so tired of these words.  Everyone-- EVERYONE-- has a visceral response to hearing these words, no?   You either want to barf back, "LIFE'S NOT FAIR!" or some platitude.  Or you want to come back with some great theological debate about how we should be thankful that God is not "fair" because if He we were would only get what we deserve, etc.  Ad nauseum.
Well, it's "Not Fair" time at the Grits House.  Early February, our school hands out those danged sheets so cheerfully designed to motivate our mini-scholars to read.  "Read Six Hours and Earn a Ticket To Six Flags!"  No pressure parents!  Who cares that you have to buy a ticket for yourselves or that you have other children who need tickets or that your kid will whine and gripe the whooollle time they are reading. 
My children despise reading.  This is of great grief to me, as I could sit with a book in the middle of Armegeddon.  I love to read.  Love, love, love it.  They hate to read.  And when they get those sheets, all they think is:  "Free ticket to Six Flags.  Must have."  For the rest of the week I get to hear whining and griping about how they actually have to read to earn this.  Not that they start reading, mind you.  Then I hear nothing until the day before it's due.  Then all I hear for the next 24 hours is weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth about how it's SOOO not fair that they have to do this.  Then they spend the whole last day locked in their rooms only coming out to stare at you and whine about how they have FOUR hours left, again, ad nauseum.  Kill me now. 
Let me assure you, children.  You do NOT have to do this.  I just assume you don't.  Because if one of you does it, then it's not fair that the other child doesn't get to go.  And if I break down and buy their ticket, then it's not fair to you that he didn't have to go through the torture of reading to go on this magical trip.   
The only person this whole deal is not "fair" to is the parents. 
And to boot, 2 years ago some of my kids "earned" this "free" (cough, cough) trip and I had the audacity to have a baby and thwart their plans.  Let me just bring up the fact that I never said I'd take them-- they just assumed that a free ticket means they can do it.  Let's just hope no one gives them a free ticket to the Playboy mansion.  Or to wrestle in an ultimate fighting fight.  Or maybe a free movie ticket to go see the Grudge in a Haunted House.  Or a free ticket to jump off a bridge. 
I hate these stupid "rewards." 
Now can I be petty and say that when I was a child, the reading was the reward?  Maybe that's why I actually LIKE to read. 

I can find 7 reasons why I should be ashamed and you should call DHR...

Just pretend there's  a picture of a baby drinking out of a syrup bottle here.  I don't like to keep pics of my kids up on the internet.  If I know you, I'll even send it to ya if you want.

Sweetness

The sweetness of motherhood is fleeting, don't you think?  One day you have this etherial image of you holding your sweet smelling newborn in a flowing gown; the next thing you know you are chasing a snotty toddler with a poopy diaper who is wearing his pj's for the 2nd day in a row.  Sounds like either a commercial for Luvs or a "Life Comes At You Fast" Nationwide commercial, huh? 
It's so true.  The "Hallmark" moments of motherhood are few and far between.  I want to remember the good and the bad.  The good ones are gravy; the bad ones are stepping stones and we can look back and shake our heads and laugh. 
Yesterday I had just a plain ol' sweet time with my 4 year old Sugie who is wrapping up her K4 year with legendary Mrs. Tabony.  We took our traditional field trip to a local cookie company that has a train in it just for tours like we took yesterday.  It's a great trip for little ones, as it's no more than 15 minutes or so to tour the plant and as you ride they give you a cup full of fresh, warm cookies.  Sugie had looked forward to this trip for a while-- her older siblings had been and it was a milestone for her.  And she got cookies. 
Sugie was so excited about the whole trip that she kept looking knowingly at me and smiling this goofy grin, as if to say, "This is it, mom.  The day I have been waiting for!!!"  As we walked in she could barely contain herself.  She skipped and smiled and giggled, and the magic in her eyes was unmistakeable.  For a cookie factory.  This thrilled her.  Which thrilled me to see her so happy about something so simple. 
We boarded the little train and she kicked her legs as she sat in her seat with anticipation, and as I looked over at her, her face was all red and tears were rolling down her smiling cheeks.  She was so happy, she was crying.  My mama's heart just melted for my sweet girl.  I was thrilled with her. 
I'm so happy to have a wee girl who gets thrilled over train rides in cookie factories.  She has so much to look forward to.  I am equally as thrilled to watch her joy and share in it as she tastes the good things of this life that God has blessed us with. 
My cup runneth over...

I really hate to brag, but...

Who am I kidding?  I love to brag on my kids!  Baby Bee is now 19 1/2 months old and continues to be the Belle of the Ball.  Everyone adores her and vies for her attention.  She is sweet and funny and pleasant, and we are so thankful for her. 
But one thing has really set her apart as An Amazing Baby. 

She loves her playpen. 

I can put her in her playpen in the morning, and she will play and chatter away happily in there for hours.  Yes, I said hours.  She will smile and talk if I walk by as she plays with her babies or pushes the button on her "fridge radio" and says "Bye, Bye!" to it.   I can't tell you how thankful I am, as she was really getting "busy" and I often found her in the pantry with her arm in a cereal box.  Or under Mr. Grits's side of the bathroom sink hiding in the cabinet.  Or playing in toilet water.  Or sticking her face out between the rails of the stairs. 

You can see how excited I am about her new safe haven. 

I still love to have her near me when I am doing things, but now I can get involved mentally in an activity and not have to run through the house every 3.22 minutes screaming, "WHERE'S THE BABY???  HAS ANYONE SEEN THE BABY???" 

I'm enjoying the respite that comes before she turns 2 this summer...   

Used with permission --edited

The scene:  the lunch table with the middle 4 children.

Unnamed male child: "Hey, raise your hand if you like 'Moist Cake'!!!"  (said like, "Chocolate cake" or "Red Velvet cake" or "Strawberry cake...")

We all looked around, like "What the heck is 'moist cake'?" 
"What are you talking about, (person)???"

"Mom, it's a REAL CAKE!  And it has MOIST in it!!!!!!!!!!"

Hm...

**Edited:

Same son; a couple hours later:

"MOM!  The Bible has the word 'THONG' in it!!!!!!!!"

Ah, nothing like a pure mind and heart. 

I'll pass on the meat

Sugie shared with me a dream she had the other day.  She says that she was in the kitchen and a bulldog "crashed the back door" and was trying to get her. 
"I kept trying to put him in the trash can but I couldn't, and he was trying to bite me.  And then, I threw him in there and closed the lid, and he got out, and I put him back in.  And so I put the trashcan in the freezer and shut the door, and when I opened it later...
he had turned into meat."